I am now 28 years old. How time flies! I’m nearing the age limit which means I’m about to expire.

Let me tell you something. I don’t really care about age. Unlike other women who are embarrassed about their real age, I am comfortable and happy with my age. I want to act and look my age. I want to be a woman not a girl. I mean what’s wrong with aging?

Hehe

I just hope I can still say these things when I turn 30 and still no boyfriend, no love life, no heartaches, no valentines, no blah blahs …

You know, when I was 18 years old I was not allowed to have a boyfriend and men boys were just hanging around waiting for me. Haha! Eighteen. That’s already a legal age for a girl to have a BF but dad and I had an agreement. No BF until I finish college. Why? Because we were very poor and my parents were doing everything to send me to college. All they asked of me was to concentrate on my studies, which I did. In fact, I even managed to work and study at the same time.

But dad passed away before I finished college. So being the responsible ate that I am, I forced myself to study, work and support a family all at once. Life was hard. I barely had time to comb my hair. But nobody forced me to do those things. I had an option. My younger siblings could live in my uncle’s house but I didn’t want to be separated from them. So, I chose the impossible option. No regrets. I firmly believe that it was His plan.

Then I finished college and everyone was amused that I made it. They can’t believe it. But who cares?! Life was still hard. Graduating didn’t mean having a comfortable life. I had lots of responsibilities. But I have to tell you again, nobody asked me to do those things. It was just me. I wanted to make things easier for my mother. She never asked me to take care of them. It was me who wanted to take care of them and I never complained. After all, men are still waiting for me No need to rush.

I was so consumed with my self-imposed responsibilities. Always thinking about how to make things better for my mom. Always worried that she will grow old alone and that nobody will take care of her if I ever decide to settle down. Then one day, I woke up and they are already gone. I mean, my siblings already have a family of their own and mom is enjoying her life to the fullest. Partying with friends and having suitors. Haha. While I was still busy trying to make things better for them not for me. At that time, nobody was waiting for me. Men get tired so easily, huh?

But I did have a boyfriend. For 11 months. So, I am not as ignorant as most people think of me. Of course I know how to fall in love and be loved in return. Here is the proof:

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February 4, 2008

hi honey!

Sorry that i can’t write you as often as you deserve it.
I am busy, i hope you understand that, and while reading these lines, i hope a beautiful smile is gracing your wonderful face

kindergarten is a german word!

well i am not in austria..honey, i wish i would be there hehe

you are in my heart, always!

luv you soo much!

KISS

Günter!! (not Genter)

December 24, 2007

call it whatever you want, but u R …really gorgeous, wonderful, dishy, cute, sweet, fantastic, lovely, awesome, great, not describeable, …. honey, nice, stunning, breathtaking … my future wife, my love, my everything

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Sigh. He was my first love. And my only love for that matter. My sister thinks I’m crazy to fall in love with a man I never saw in person. Blame it on my thirst for a guy’s love and attention, I fell in love with a computer. So, my posts are getting more and more personal, huh? I promised I won’t blog about him out of respect because he is now married and this is not appropriate. But hell, can’t help it. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve already deleted my feelings for him and thankfully, once the recycle bin has been emptied it would be impossible to retrieve what has been deleted. Huh?! Haha! I’m sleepy …

So yes, I was eighteen and not allowed to have a BF. That was 10 years ago. A decade has passed and I am now super allowed to have a BF. In fact, my mother is already pushing me to get married. She is humiliated when people say “huh? you’re daughter is not yet married!” Now she tells people “in two years, she will get married.” Mama’s really funny. I don’t know if I will ever get married. Maybe it’s not for me. I don’t care, whatever. For now, all I want to do is to earn money. Lots of money. I want to have money but I don’t want to work hard for it. I’m really sleepy. Maybe I should delete this post before I could click publish. I don’t want to blog about him.

Why do I always have to blog about love and getting married every time it’s my birthday?? Is this an indication that I want to get married? That my subconscious mind is wanting to have a man in my life? Haha. Life sucks. But I am happy and thankful for the last 28 years. Everything that I have gone through defined my character. I’m such a tough lady, even life can’t beat me. Even that guy I mentioned above, the man I fell in love with, was not able to make me cry. Maybe because it was just an online love affair? If that’s the case, then I never really fell in love all my life! Everything was just plain bullshit. Whatever. I’m too sleepy now …

But before I end this post, which is already 1000 words, I have to clarify things. For the past few days, I have been thinking about that comment. I know people are concern and that I should be thankful that somebody is actually taking her time to read my posts but I have to inform you, yes you, whoever you are, that my blogs’ purpose is not to inspire people. Read my posts. This is my real life. I’m just an ordinary person. I can’t possibly inspire you. I’m not a super woman. If you want inspiration, read the blogs of those self-proclaimed influential bloggers who know EVERYTHING about life. I wish I could stop the sarcasm but I guess this is also a part of my personality. I am painfully shy but I can be very very sarcastic without my knowing. Thank you so much for the intelligent comment. But I was not moved. I know, I know. You are “one hell of a critic”. Whatever. Thing is, I don’t want to try to write all things positive and happy just to please people. Haha. I’m nagging. I know you have the best intention but it’s weird. I can’t call my self an irresponsible blogger. I just have my own rules. I’m bragging again. I’m nagging again. Should really sleep now … For some reason, my former boss came across my mind and I am annoyed … see, they tried to break my rules and I won’t give in. So here I am .. AWOL. Which is a solid proof of how stubborn and stupid I am.

…

Happy birthday to me! Thank you Lord for all my blogs. They keep my sanity and they help me get to know myself better. Knowing myself, not living in lies, not stabbing people at their backs, being true to myself, having a loving family and supportive friends … this is life. With or without a love life, I am thankful to have, at least, a life